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The Weekly Gooning · 2026
WEEK
07

Wilszn Hits 7-0 As Tony Pollard Drops 37

Seven weeks in and nobody has laid a glove on Wilszn. They put 131.04 on the board Sunday, the only score in the league to clear 130, and beat the one team that actually deserved better — Mighty Mouse went 8-5 against the field and still got sent home. Elsewhere it was a quiet, grim sort of week: four teams failed to reach 90, two games ended by 30 or more, and only one finished inside ten points. The waiver wire has become a quarterback dispensary, with Bo Nix and Geno Smith both added this week and both going for 24-plus. Downs-yndrome scored 70.5 and lost to all thirteen teams on paper, which is a whole afternoon of nothing.

High score
Wilszn
131.04
Low score
Downs-yndrome
70.50
Closest game
The Goff-Father over ThrillHouse
by 6.48
Biggest blowout
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor over Downs-yndrome
by 56.90

The whole league on one line

every game, one scale
WinnerLoserLeague median 103.8
Wilszn over Mighty Mousebad luck
108.9131.0
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor over Downs-yndrome
70.5127.4
The Nut over TB12 Method
98.8121.7
SS Minnow Johnson over Fantasy year from hell
75.8115.3
Freaking Maye Out over Finding Nico
84.3113.6
The Goff-Father over ThrillHouse
100.5107.0
Bayou Bengals over KuthaFightersfraud watch
71.0100.7
020406080100120140160
Table view
WinnerPtsLoserPtsMargin
Wilszn131.04Mighty Mouse108.9222.12
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor127.40Downs-yndrome70.5056.90
The Nut121.72TB12 Method98.7822.94
SS Minnow Johnson115.32Fantasy year from hell75.8239.50
Freaking Maye Out113.56Finding Nico84.3229.24
The Goff-Father106.98ThrillHouse100.506.48
Bayou Bengals100.68KuthaFighters71.0429.64

Every game

closest first
Nail-biter
The Goff-Father Wins It With A Fresh Waiver Quarterback
The Goff-Father
106.98
ThrillHouse
100.50

The Goff-Father claimed Bo Nix off waivers this week, started him immediately, and got 26.28 — his first 20-point start of the season, arriving exactly on time for a 6.48-point win. ThrillHouse got 21.9 from CeeDee Lamb, the league's WR2, and were the only loser all week whose best lineup takes it: Dak Prescott's 23.28 watched Matthew Stafford post 18.5. Mark Andrews also contributed 3.8 at tight end, so the margin had plenty of company.

TOP · Bo Nix 26.3 · CeeDee Lamb 21.9
THRILLHOUSE'S BEST LINEUP SCORED 109.60 — ENOUGH TO WIN
Week's high
Tony Pollard Goes For 37, Wilszn Goes To 7-0
Wilszn
131.04
Mighty Mouse
108.92

Tony Pollard was projected for 13.37 and turned in 37.0, which is roughly the entire Mighty Mouse receiving corps times six — they got 6.4 from the position. Drake Maye added 30.44 for his third straight week over 23, and Wilszn's 131.04 went unbeaten against the field for the second time this season. Mighty Mouse got 24.1 from Trey McBride, the league's top tight end, plus 22.9 from Quinshon Judkins, and would have beaten eight other teams with it. Instead: second straight loss.

TOP · Tony Pollard 37.0 · Trey McBride 24.1
The Nut Rides Zay Flowers Past TB12 Method
The Nut
121.72
TB12 Method
98.78

Zay Flowers went for 25.7 and Luther Burden III turned a 10.26 projection into 23.7, giving The Nut 49.4 from the receiver spots and a perfect lineup with nothing left behind. Michael Penix Jr., plucked off free agency a week ago, has now cleared 20 in both his starts. TB12 Method grabbed Geno Smith off waivers, got 24.48, left 0.02 on the bench and still lost by 22.94 — a flawless afternoon that ended in a fourth straight defeat.

TOP · Zay Flowers 25.7 · Geno Smith 24.5
Freaking Maye Out's Backfield Buries Finding Nico
Freaking Maye Out
113.56
Finding Nico
84.32

Javonte Williams and Bucky Irving went for 25.5 apiece and Freaking Maye Out's running backs produced 65.1 of their 113.56, which is a good thing because the receivers managed 14.2 between them. Finding Nico watched Nico Collins post 1.6, his third straight start in single digits, and Isaiah Likely — the league's TE2 with three 20-point games — turn in 2.2. The search continues.

TOP · Javonte Williams 25.5 · Jared Goff 20.0
Bayou Bengals Hit A Season High, KuthaFighters Hit The Floor Again
Bayou Bengals
100.68
KuthaFighters
71.04

Joe Burrow's 28.88 was his fourth 20-point start in six weeks and it carried Bayou Bengals to a season-best 100.68. KuthaFighters managed 71.04 and went 1-12 against the field, with Derrick Henry turning in 5.4 after 4.5 last week and Sam LaPorta adding 2.3. Their defense and kicker combined for 23 of the 71, which tells you everything about the other eight slots.

TOP · Joe Burrow 28.9 · George Pickens 13.7
Jaxon Smith-Njigba Keeps Being Unfair
SS Minnow Johnson
115.32
Fantasy year from hell
75.82

Thirty-point-eight for JSN, his third straight week climbing and his sixth 20-point start in seven weeks as the league's leading receiver by a comfortable margin. SS Minnow Johnson played a clean 115.32 and made it three wins in a row. Fantasy year from hell got 23.7 from Amon-Ra St. Brown and almost nothing else — a season-low 75.82, a perfect lineup, and a fifth straight loss, which is the worst possible combination of facts.

TOP · Jaxon Smith-Njigba 30.8 · Amon-Ra St. Brown 23.7
Blowout
Heaven On Earth Wins By 56, Downs-yndrome Loses To Everyone
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor
127.40
Downs-yndrome
70.50

Tee Higgins went for 25.8 against a 12.61 projection, Jonathan Taylor and Jaylen Warren added 35.2 between them, and Heaven on Earth put up 127.4 — enough to beat twelve of the other thirteen teams. Downs-yndrome scored 70.5, the week's low, and went 0-13 on paper while KC Concepcion Jr. dropped 21.2 on the bench and Josh Downs started for 2.8. The Jets defense they added two weeks ago went for minus one. Four straight losses and counting.

TOP · Tee Higgins 25.8 · Ashton Jeanty 17.6

Chart of the week

Lineup efficiency

Four teams played a lineup within a tenth of a point of optimal this week, and three of them lost.

ScoredLeft on the bench
Downs-yndrome
70.5 +18.4
Bayou Bengals
100.7 +17.8
Wilszn
131.0 +16.4
The Goff-Father
107.0 +11.3
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor
127.4 +11.1
ThrillHouse
100.5 +9.1
Finding Nico
84.3 +9.0
Mighty Mouse
108.9 +7.6
KuthaFighters
71.0 +3.3
Freaking Maye Out
113.6 +1.4
TB12 Method
98.8 +0.0
The Nut
121.7
SS Minnow Johnson
115.3
Fantasy year from hell
75.8
Table view
TeamScoredBest lineupLeft on bench
Downs-yndrome70.5088.9018.40
Bayou Bengals100.68118.5017.82
Wilszn131.04147.4016.36
The Goff-Father106.98118.3011.32
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor127.40138.5011.10
ThrillHouse100.50109.609.10
Finding Nico84.3293.308.98
Mighty Mouse108.92116.507.58
KuthaFighters71.0474.303.26
Freaking Maye Out113.56115.001.44
TB12 Method98.7898.800.02
The Nut121.72121.700.00
SS Minnow Johnson115.32115.300.00
Fantasy year from hell75.8275.800.00

Went off

PlayerPtsProj
Tony Pollard
RB · Wilszn
37.0 13.4
Jaxon Smith-Njigba
WR · SS Minnow Johnson
30.8 22.7
Drake Maye
QB · Wilszn
30.4 21.7
Joe Burrow
QB · Bayou Bengals
28.9 19.8
Bo Nix
QB · The Goff-Father
26.3 19.4

Duds

furthest under projection
PlayerPtsProj
Nico Collins
WR · Finding Nico
1.6 14.4
Jalen Coker
WR · Mighty Mouse
1.4 13.0
Jets
DEF · Downs-yndrome
-1.0 9.8
Derrick Henry
RB · KuthaFighters
5.4 16.1
Garrett Wilson
WR · Wilszn
3.6 13.8

Beat the projection

by the most
PlayerPts+
Tony Pollard
RB · Wilszn · proj 13.4
37.0 +23.6
Luther Burden III
WR · The Nut · proj 10.3
23.7 +13.4
Tee Higgins
WR · Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor · proj 12.6
25.8 +13.2
Jameson Williams
WR · The Goff-Father · proj 10.7
23.6 +12.9
Quinshon Judkins
RB · Mighty Mouse · proj 10.1
22.9 +12.8

Left on the bench

TeamScoredCould've
Downs-yndrome
18.40 left behind
70.50 88.90
Bayou Bengals
17.82 left behind
100.68 118.50
Wilszn
16.36 left behind
131.04 147.40
The Goff-Father
11.32 left behind
106.98 118.30
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor
11.10 left behind
127.40 138.50

Fraud watch & bad luck

record vs. all 13 teams
TeamPtsAll-play
Bayou Bengals
Won anyway · beat KuthaFighters
100.68 6-7
Mighty Mouse
Lost anyway · to Wilszn
108.92 8-5

Waiver wire

pickups that paid off, and some that didn't
PlayerPtsProj
Bo Nix
QB · The Goff-Father · waivers this week
26.3 19.4
Geno Smith
QB · TB12 Method · waivers this week
24.5 16.1
Omar Cooper Jr.benched
WR · Bayou Bengals · waivers this week
22.0 7.7
Michael Penix Jr.
QB · The Nut · free agency
20.4 15.3
Kirk Cousins
QB · Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor · free agency
20.4 15.9
Roschon Johnsonflopped
RB · Fantasy year from hell · free agency this week · started
1.3 8.9
Tyler Higbeeflopped
TE · Fantasy year from hell · waivers this week · started
2.4 7.8
Chris Godwin Jr.flopped
WR · The Goff-Father · waivers this week · started
4.7 9.1

House rules

blocks & bench switches
RuleWhat happenedPts
No blocks or bench switches this week.

Luck so far

points for vs. against
good & luckygood, unluckybad, luckybad & unluckyPoints for →Points against →WilsznThe NutFinding NicoDowns-yndrome
Table view
TeamW-LPFPA
Wilszn7-0912.22689.22
The Nut5-2856.86708.62
SS Minnow Johnson5-2776.78704.84
Freaking Maye Out5-2758.50646.10
KuthaFighters4-3817.74797.50
Mighty Mouse4-3803.60761.00
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor4-3734.02688.78
ThrillHouse3-4740.82699.84
Bayou Bengals3-4600.42694.12
Fantasy year from hell2-5707.22765.02
Finding Nico2-5691.24842.96
The Goff-Father2-5667.80772.08
TB12 Method2-5646.04725.86
Downs-yndrome1-6578.64795.96

Rank by week

season so far
Biggest climbBiggest fall
Wk 1Wk 2Wk 3Wk 4Wk 5Wk 6Wk 71. Wilszn2. The Nut4. Freaking Maye Out5. KuthaFighters6. Mighty Mouse7. Heaven on Earth Ma9. Bayou Bengals10. Fantasy year from 11. Finding Nico12. The Goff-Father13. TB12 Method14. Downs-yndrome3. SS Minnow Johnson8. ThrillHouse
Table view
TeamWk 1Wk 2Wk 3Wk 4Wk 5Wk 6Wk 7
Wilszn———1111
The Nut4643432
SS Minnow Johnson1557653
Freaking Maye Out——118564
KuthaFighters3132225
Mighty Mouse8774346
Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor7425787
ThrillHouse128910878
Bayou Bengals1313141311129
Fantasy year from hell——————10
Finding Nico—121311121011
The Goff-Father14141214141312
TB12 Method111089101113
Downs-yndrome——1012131414

Standings

#TeamW-L PFPAMove
1 Wilszn 7-0 912.22 689.22 =
2 The Nut 5-2 856.86 708.62 ▲1
3 SS Minnow Johnson 5-2 776.78 704.84 ▲2
4 Freaking Maye Out 5-2 758.50 646.10 ▲2
5 KuthaFighters 4-3 817.74 797.50 ▼3
6 Mighty Mouse 4-3 803.60 761.00 ▼2
7 Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor 4-3 734.02 688.78 ▲1
8 ThrillHouse 3-4 740.82 699.84 ▼1
9 Bayou Bengals 3-4 600.42 694.12 ▲3
10 Fantasy year from hell 2-5 707.22 765.02 —
11 Finding Nico 2-5 691.24 842.96 ▼1
12 The Goff-Father 2-5 667.80 772.08 ▲1
13 TB12 Method 2-5 646.04 725.86 ▼2
14 Downs-yndrome 1-6 578.64 795.96 =

The week ahead

week 8
Week 8: Wilszn is 7-0 and the rest of the league is running out of excuses.

Week 8 is bye hell: HOU, NO, NYG and SF are all off, which means The Goff-Father is staring at Christian McCaffrey and Alvin Kamara in street clothes, Finding Nico is without Nico Collins, and Mighty Mouse and SS Minnow Johnson both need a new quarterback. Yahoo's marquee is Wilszn, still unbeaten at 7-0, hosting Fantasy year from hell in the week's highest-projected game at 204.95 combined, with the undefeated side favored by about 12. The tightest one on paper is Mighty Mouse and Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor, both 4-3, projected 2.44 points apart, which is to say nobody has any idea. And a reminder with the house-rules window closing: ten teams are still sitting on an unused Block and twelve still have a Bench Switch, so hoarding them is a choice you'll have to explain later.

Week 8 matchups
MatchupProjWin %
Mighty Mouse 4-3 vs Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor 4-3 84.7–87.1 47–53
Bayou Bengals 3-4 vs ThrillHouse 3-4 70.6–112.5 15–85
Freaking Maye Out 5-2 vs KuthaFighters 4-3 108.5–77.1 78–21
The Nut 5-2 vs The Goff-Father 2-5 101.0–61.2 87–13
Downs-yndrome 1-6 vs TB12 Method 2-5 89.3–104.0 36–64
Fantasy year from hell 2-5 vs Wilszn 7-0 96.4–108.6 39–61
SS Minnow Johnson 5-2 vs Finding Nico 2-5 85.4–74.7 61–39

On bye: Bayou Bengals — Kendre Miller (RB), Dominic Zvada (K); Downs-yndrome — Woody Marks (RB); Fantasy year from hell — Tyler Shough (QB), Eddy Pineiro (K); Finding Nico — Nico Collins (WR), Isaiah Likely (TE); Freaking Maye Out — Texans (DEF); Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor — 49ers (DEF); KuthaFighters — Chris Olave (WR), Ka'imi Fairbairn (K); Mighty Mouse — C.J. Stroud (QB); SS Minnow Johnson — Brock Purdy (QB); The Goff-Father — Christian McCaffrey (RB), Alvin Kamara (RB); ThrillHouse — Malik Nabers (WR); Wilszn — George Kittle (TE)

The numbers — scores, lineups, player points and standings — are Yahoo's, pulled once the week was final. Projections are Sleeper's, scored under this league's rules. Every table on this page renders straight from that data.

The writing is by Claude, working only from those numbers (claude-opus-5). It is told to use nothing that isn't in them, and the tables never pass through it, so if a sentence ever disagrees with a table, the table is right. The charts are drawn from the same numbers; the writer only picks which one to feature. Scores are as Yahoo reports them.