KuthaFighters Drop 152.86, Beat Everybody On Paper
Week 2 was a top-heavy massacre. KuthaFighters hung 152.86 and went 13-0 in all-play, Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor went 12-1 with 140.2, and everyone else spent Sunday arguing over scraps. Four of the seven games were decided by 30 or more, five teams failed to reach 90, and exactly one game finished inside ten points. All fourteen teams left points on the bench, which at this point is less a trend and more a league bylaw.
The whole league on one line
every game, one scaleTable view
| Winner | Pts | Loser | Pts | Margin |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| KuthaFighters | 152.86 | SS Minnow Johnson | 109.28 | 43.58 |
| Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 140.20 | The Goff-Father | 93.28 | 46.92 |
| ThrillHouse | 125.26 | Finding Nico | 55.00 | 70.26 |
| No. 5 | 117.64 | Bayou Bengals | 83.18 | 34.46 |
| Teen Tutens | 107.86 | The Nut | 92.12 | 15.74 |
| Mighty Mouse | 98.92 | Kyler Ren | 75.58 | 23.34 |
| TB12 Method | 84.72 | Drake friken fraken maye | 79.02 | 5.70 |
Every game
closest firstJosh Allen put up 40.82 and the rest of the TB12 Method roster contributed a combined 43.9, including a Chiefs defense that went negative at minus one. It was enough by 5.7 in the only game all week decided by under ten, though the 4-9 all-play record suggests this was less a win and more a witness protection placement. Drake friken fraken maye left TreVeyon Henderson and his 13.6 on the bench for Jameson Williams' 4.3, and their best lineup would have won it.
Amon-Ra St. Brown went for 32.7 and Teen Tutens rolled to 107.86, which is impressive given their starting quarterback Trevor Lawrence turned in 7.16 while Tyler Shough dropped 22.38 from the bench. The Nut, to their credit, left only 0.58 on the bench and still lost by 15.74, which is the fantasy equivalent of doing everything right and finishing second anyway.
DeVonta Smith's 24.7 carried Mighty Mouse to 98.92, and Travis Kelce's 22.6 carried a clipboard on the bench while Mike Evans and his 6.9 started. Kyler Ren answered with a 16-point kicker as their top scorer and 19.72 left on the bench, the most of anyone, headlined by Denzel Boston's 18 rotting in reserve. Brandon Aubrey deserves better.
No. 5 got 22.8 from Kenneth Walker III, survived DJ Moore actively losing them a tenth of a point, and still won by 34.46. Bayou Bengals had Ja'Marr Chase for 23 and then a whole lot of nothing: David Montgomery's 3.4, Tucker Kraft's 2.5, and Terrance Ferguson's 14.4 sitting on the bench the entire time.
SS Minnow Johnson got 42 from Jaxon Smith-Njigba, scored 109.28, would have beaten nine of the other thirteen teams, and lost by 43.58 anyway. Davante Adams went for 39.5 against an 11.35 projection in the flex, which is the kind of thing that happens when the schedule is already rigged against you. KuthaFighters left just 4.14 on the bench because of course they did.
Jared Goff put up 31.78 for The Goff-Father and it bought them a 46.92-point loss, which is a rough return on the franchise player. Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor posted 140.2 behind Jonathan Taylor's 27.2 and a fresh free-agent kicker in Chase McLaughlin, who dropped 16 the week he was added. Four straight losses for the league's bottom team and it is still only Week 2.
Finding Nico scored 55, went 0-13 in all-play, and got their highest total from the Patriots defense at 23 while Jaxson Dart managed 0.8 and Saquon Barkley managed 2.5. ThrillHouse won by 70.26 despite starting Malik Nabers for 0.6 and benching Jake Ferguson's 18.3 and Matthew Stafford's 29.98. Dak Prescott threw up 29.76, which was somehow the wrong quarterback by 0.22.
Chart of the week
Boom or bustDavante Adams beat his projection by 28.15 and Jaxson Dart missed his by 17.58, which about covers the range of human experience in Week 2.
Table view
| Player | Team | Proj | Pts | Diff |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Davante Adams | KuthaFighters | 11.3 | 39.5 | +28.1 |
| Jaxon Smith-Njigba | SS Minnow Johnson | 16.1 | 42.0 | +25.9 |
| CeeDee Lamb | ThrillHouse | 14.9 | 35.3 | +20.4 |
| Josh Allen | TB12 Method | 22.0 | 40.8 | +18.8 |
| Amon-Ra St. Brown | Teen Tutens | 14.2 | 32.7 | +18.5 |
| Jared Goff | The Goff-Father | 16.3 | 31.8 | +15.5 |
| Vikings | KuthaFighters | 6.2 | 20.5 | +14.3 |
| Dalton Schultz | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 8.6 | 22.0 | +13.4 |
| Patriots | Finding Nico | 10.5 | 23.0 | +12.5 |
| DeVonta Smith | Mighty Mouse | 12.2 | 24.7 | +12.5 |
| Dak Prescott | ThrillHouse | 19.5 | 29.8 | +10.3 |
| Jonathan Taylor | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 17.4 | 27.2 | +9.8 |
| Jaylen Waddle | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 10.4 | 19.8 | +9.4 |
| Dalton Kincaid | Teen Tutens | 9.8 | 19.0 | +9.2 |
| Stefon Diggs | No. 5 | 10.3 | 19.2 | +8.9 |
| Ja'Marr Chase | Bayou Bengals | 14.2 | 23.0 | +8.8 |
| Brock Purdy | SS Minnow Johnson | 20.0 | 28.5 | +8.5 |
| Chase McLaughlin | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 8.4 | 16.0 | +7.6 |
| Kenneth Walker III | No. 5 | 15.3 | 22.8 | +7.5 |
| George Kittle | No. 5 | 8.7 | 16.0 | +7.3 |
| Brandon Aubrey | Kyler Ren | 9.5 | 16.0 | +6.5 |
| Chris Olave | KuthaFighters | 12.7 | 18.6 | +5.9 |
| Sam LaPorta | KuthaFighters | 9.0 | 14.2 | +5.2 |
| Bhayshul Tuten | Teen Tutens | 8.2 | 13.2 | +4.9 |
| Evan McPherson | ThrillHouse | 7.4 | 12.0 | +4.6 |
| James Cook III | ThrillHouse | 18.1 | 22.4 | +4.3 |
| Omarion Hampton | Bayou Bengals | 12.3 | 16.5 | +4.2 |
| Steelers | SS Minnow Johnson | 6.1 | 10.0 | +3.9 |
| Rachaad White | TB12 Method | 7.4 | 11.3 | +3.9 |
| Broncos | Mighty Mouse | 6.7 | 10.0 | +3.3 |
| Dontayvion Wicks | The Goff-Father | 6.7 | 9.9 | +3.2 |
| Christian McCaffrey | The Goff-Father | 17.4 | 20.6 | +3.2 |
| Trey McBride | Mighty Mouse | 11.4 | 14.1 | +2.7 |
| Tyler Warren | The Nut | 9.1 | 11.4 | +2.3 |
| Josh Downs | Kyler Ren | 8.4 | 10.7 | +2.3 |
| Tetairoa McMillan | Drake friken fraken maye | 12.3 | 14.6 | +2.3 |
| Parker Washington | The Nut | 11.2 | 13.3 | +2.1 |
| Will Reichard | No. 5 | 7.9 | 10.0 | +2.1 |
| Chuba Hubbard | The Nut | 11.4 | 13.4 | +2.0 |
| Garrett Wilson | No. 5 | 12.3 | 14.2 | +1.9 |
| Derrick Henry | KuthaFighters | 14.5 | 16.2 | +1.7 |
| Devaughn Vele | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 7.7 | 8.9 | +1.2 |
| Packers | The Goff-Father | 7.0 | 8.0 | +1.0 |
| Texans | Drake friken fraken maye | 7.1 | 8.0 | +0.9 |
| Tee Higgins | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 11.8 | 12.0 | +0.2 |
| 49ers | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 10.9 | 11.0 | +0.1 |
| Chig Okonkwo | SS Minnow Johnson | 0.0 | 0.0 | +0.0 |
| Harold Fannin Jr. | TB12 Method | 7.9 | 7.9 | +0.0 |
| Jalen Coker | Mighty Mouse | 10.7 | 10.6 | -0.1 |
| Cam Little | Drake friken fraken maye | 8.2 | 8.0 | -0.2 |
| Emeka Egbuka | The Goff-Father | 9.2 | 8.8 | -0.3 |
| Aaron Jones Sr. | Kyler Ren | 12.9 | 12.5 | -0.4 |
| Jake Bates | The Nut | 7.6 | 7.0 | -0.6 |
| Bo Nix | The Nut | 15.7 | 15.1 | -0.6 |
| Mark Andrews | ThrillHouse | 8.5 | 7.9 | -0.6 |
| Kyren Williams | Teen Tutens | 15.4 | 14.7 | -0.7 |
| Christian Watson | Drake friken fraken maye | 12.8 | 12.1 | -0.8 |
| Malachi Fields | TB12 Method | 4.8 | 4.0 | -0.8 |
| Rashee Rice | Kyler Ren | 11.3 | 10.3 | -1.0 |
| Jaguars | Teen Tutens | 6.0 | 5.0 | -1.0 |
| Seahawks | No. 5 | 11.1 | 10.0 | -1.1 |
| Chris Godwin Jr. | Bayou Bengals | 8.4 | 7.3 | -1.1 |
| Breece Hall | KuthaFighters | 12.8 | 11.7 | -1.1 |
| D'Andre Swift | SS Minnow Johnson | 11.6 | 10.4 | -1.2 |
| Jason Myers | Mighty Mouse | 8.3 | 7.0 | -1.3 |
| Bucky Irving | Drake friken fraken maye | 12.4 | 11.0 | -1.4 |
| Joe Burrow | Bayou Bengals | 17.8 | 16.2 | -1.6 |
| Tyler Loop | TB12 Method | 8.0 | 6.0 | -2.0 |
| Woody Marks | Kyler Ren | 8.0 | 6.0 | -2.0 |
| Ka'imi Fairbairn | KuthaFighters | 9.2 | 7.0 | -2.2 |
| Antonio Williams | The Nut | 6.1 | 3.9 | -2.2 |
| Chris Boswell | SS Minnow Johnson | 7.3 | 5.0 | -2.3 |
| Rome Odunze | Finding Nico | 8.2 | 5.8 | -2.4 |
| Jalen Hurts | KuthaFighters | 20.8 | 18.2 | -2.6 |
| Hunter Henry | Drake friken fraken maye | 8.2 | 5.5 | -2.8 |
| Drake London | The Goff-Father | 9.7 | 6.9 | -2.8 |
| Cairo Santos | Teen Tutens | 7.9 | 5.0 | -2.9 |
| MarShawn Lloyd | ThrillHouse | 10.8 | 7.6 | -3.2 |
| Isaiah Likely | Finding Nico | 9.4 | 5.8 | -3.6 |
| Deebo Samuel Sr. | Teen Tutens | 8.8 | 5.0 | -3.8 |
| Chase Brown | TB12 Method | 13.7 | 9.7 | -4.0 |
| Mike Evans | Mighty Mouse | 10.9 | 6.9 | -4.0 |
| Kaelon Black | The Goff-Father | 6.7 | 2.5 | -4.2 |
| Quinshon Judkins | Mighty Mouse | 11.5 | 7.3 | -4.2 |
| Tyler Bass | Bayou Bengals | 8.2 | 4.0 | -4.2 |
| De'Von Achane | No. 5 | 15.1 | 10.8 | -4.3 |
| Travis Etienne Jr. | Teen Tutens | 10.4 | 6.1 | -4.3 |
| Lamar Jackson | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 20.3 | 15.8 | -4.5 |
| Harrison Mevis | The Goff-Father | 8.6 | 4.0 | -4.6 |
| Luther Burden III | The Nut | 9.5 | 4.7 | -4.8 |
| Courtland Sutton | TB12 Method | 8.8 | 4.0 | -4.8 |
| Jeremiyah Love | Finding Nico | 10.8 | 6.0 | -4.8 |
| George Holani | TB12 Method | 7.2 | 2.0 | -5.2 |
| Jayden Daniels | No. 5 | 20.2 | 14.7 | -5.5 |
| Chargers | Bayou Bengals | 10.5 | 5.0 | -5.5 |
| Terry McLaurin | Finding Nico | 11.6 | 6.0 | -5.6 |
| Ashton Jeanty | Kyler Ren | 14.1 | 8.3 | -5.8 |
| Bills | Kyler Ren | 6.8 | 1.0 | -5.8 |
| Jahmyr Gibbs | The Nut | 26.2 | 20.3 | -5.9 |
| Cam Skattebo | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 13.5 | 7.5 | -6.0 |
| Quentin Johnston | SS Minnow Johnson | 8.2 | 1.9 | -6.2 |
| George Pickens | KuthaFighters | 13.3 | 7.0 | -6.3 |
| Jameson Williams | Drake friken fraken maye | 10.7 | 4.3 | -6.4 |
| Jacory Croskey-Merritt | Bayou Bengals | 11.8 | 5.3 | -6.5 |
| Eagles | ThrillHouse | 11.5 | 5.0 | -6.5 |
| Jadarian Price | SS Minnow Johnson | 11.4 | 4.5 | -6.9 |
| Justin Herbert | Kyler Ren | 16.9 | 9.9 | -7.0 |
| Cameron Dicker | Finding Nico | 9.0 | 2.0 | -7.0 |
| DK Metcalf | ThrillHouse | 11.7 | 4.7 | -7.0 |
| Tucker Kraft | Bayou Bengals | 9.9 | 2.5 | -7.4 |
| Dallas Goedert | Kyler Ren | 8.3 | 0.9 | -7.4 |
| Justin Jefferson | SS Minnow Johnson | 14.7 | 7.0 | -7.7 |
| Rhamondre Stevenson | Finding Nico | 10.9 | 3.1 | -7.8 |
| Chiefs | TB12 Method | 7.1 | -1.0 | -8.1 |
| Buccaneers | The Nut | 11.4 | 3.0 | -8.4 |
| Colston Loveland | The Goff-Father | 9.8 | 0.8 | -8.9 |
| Javonte Williams | Drake friken fraken maye | 16.2 | 6.5 | -9.7 |
| Caleb Williams | Mighty Mouse | 18.5 | 8.7 | -9.8 |
| Drake Maye | Drake friken fraken maye | 18.9 | 9.0 | -9.9 |
| Trevor Lawrence | Teen Tutens | 17.2 | 7.2 | -10.0 |
| Malik Nabers | ThrillHouse | 11.1 | 0.6 | -10.5 |
| Bijan Robinson | Mighty Mouse | 20.4 | 9.6 | -10.8 |
| DJ Moore | No. 5 | 10.9 | -0.1 | -11.0 |
| David Montgomery | Bayou Bengals | 15.9 | 3.4 | -12.5 |
| Saquon Barkley | Finding Nico | 15.4 | 2.5 | -12.9 |
| Jaxson Dart | Finding Nico | 18.4 | 0.8 | -17.6 |
Went off
| Player | Pts | Proj |
|---|---|---|
Jaxon Smith-Njigba WR · SS Minnow Johnson |
42.0 | 16.1 |
Josh Allen QB · TB12 Method |
40.8 | 22.0 |
Davante Adams WR · KuthaFighters |
39.5 | 11.3 |
CeeDee Lamb WR · ThrillHouse |
35.3 | 14.9 |
Amon-Ra St. Brown WR · Teen Tutens |
32.7 | 14.2 |
Duds
furthest under projection| Player | Pts | Proj |
|---|---|---|
Jaxson Dart QB · Finding Nico |
0.8 | 18.4 |
Saquon Barkley RB · Finding Nico |
2.5 | 15.4 |
David Montgomery RB · Bayou Bengals |
3.4 | 15.9 |
DJ Moore WR · No. 5 |
-0.1 | 10.9 |
Bijan Robinson RB · Mighty Mouse |
9.6 | 20.4 |
Beat the projection
by the most| Player | Pts | + |
|---|---|---|
Davante Adams WR · KuthaFighters · proj 11.3 |
39.5 | +28.1 |
Jaxon Smith-Njigba WR · SS Minnow Johnson · proj 16.1 |
42.0 | +25.9 |
CeeDee Lamb WR · ThrillHouse · proj 14.9 |
35.3 | +20.4 |
Josh Allen QB · TB12 Method · proj 22.0 |
40.8 | +18.8 |
Amon-Ra St. Brown WR · Teen Tutens · proj 14.2 |
32.7 | +18.5 |
Left on the bench
| Team | Scored | Could've |
|---|---|---|
Kyler Ren 19.72 left behind |
75.58 | 95.30 |
ThrillHouse 17.94 left behind |
125.26 | 143.20 |
Mighty Mouse 15.68 left behind |
98.92 | 114.60 |
Teen Tutens 15.24 left behind |
107.86 | 123.10 |
Bayou Bengals 14.02 left behind |
83.18 | 97.20 |
Fraud watch & bad luck
record vs. all 13 teams| Team | Pts | All-play |
|---|---|---|
TB12 Method Won anyway · beat Drake friken fraken maye |
84.72 | 4-9 |
SS Minnow Johnson Lost anyway · to KuthaFighters |
109.28 | 9-4 |
Waiver wire
pickups that paid off, and some that didn't| Player | Pts | Proj |
|---|---|---|
Chase McLaughlin
K · Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor · free agency this week |
16.0 | 8.4 |
Buccaneersflopped
DEF · The Nut · waivers this week · started |
3.0 | 11.4 |
George Holaniflopped
RB · TB12 Method · free agency this week · started |
2.0 | 7.2 |
Tyler Bassflopped
K · Bayou Bengals · free agency this week · started |
4.0 | 8.2 |
House rules
blocks & bench switches| Rule | What happened | Pts |
|---|---|---|
| No blocks or bench switches this week. | ||
Luck so far
points for vs. againstTable view
| Team | W-L | PF | PA |
|---|---|---|---|
| KuthaFighters | 2-0 | 297.08 | 222.28 |
| Teen Tutens | 2-0 | 254.46 | 177.82 |
| No. 5 | 2-0 | 249.60 | 138.92 |
| Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 2-0 | 239.26 | 184.14 |
| SS Minnow Johnson | 1-1 | 257.78 | 232.72 |
| The Nut | 1-1 | 224.96 | 231.72 |
| Mighty Mouse | 1-1 | 222.78 | 208.42 |
| ThrillHouse | 1-1 | 210.96 | 201.60 |
| Drake friken fraken maye | 1-1 | 189.64 | 188.28 |
| TB12 Method | 1-1 | 175.58 | 178.08 |
| Kyler Ren | 0-2 | 179.14 | 209.54 |
| Finding Nico | 0-2 | 168.00 | 269.48 |
| Bayou Bengals | 0-2 | 163.04 | 266.14 |
| The Goff-Father | 0-2 | 149.02 | 272.16 |
Standings
| # | Team | W-L | PF | PA | Move |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | KuthaFighters | 2-0 | 297.08 | 222.28 | ▲2 |
| 2 | Teen Tutens | 2-0 | 254.46 | 177.82 | = |
| 3 | No. 5 | 2-0 | 249.60 | 138.92 | ▲2 |
| 4 | Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor | 2-0 | 239.26 | 184.14 | ▲3 |
| 5 | SS Minnow Johnson | 1-1 | 257.78 | 232.72 | ▼4 |
| 6 | The Nut | 1-1 | 224.96 | 231.72 | ▼2 |
| 7 | Mighty Mouse | 1-1 | 222.78 | 208.42 | ▲1 |
| 8 | ThrillHouse | 1-1 | 210.96 | 201.60 | ▲4 |
| 9 | Drake friken fraken maye | 1-1 | 189.64 | 188.28 | ▼3 |
| 10 | TB12 Method | 1-1 | 175.58 | 178.08 | ▲1 |
| 11 | Kyler Ren | 0-2 | 179.14 | 209.54 | ▼1 |
| 12 | Finding Nico | 0-2 | 168.00 | 269.48 | — |
| 13 | Bayou Bengals | 0-2 | 163.04 | 266.14 | = |
| 14 | The Goff-Father | 0-2 | 149.02 | 272.16 | = |
The week ahead
week 3Week 3 gives us the game at the top: KuthaFighters, 2-0 and first, against No. 5, 2-0 and third, in the week's highest-projected matchup at 208.97 combined, with Yahoo giving Kutha a 61 percent shot. If you like your football decided by a stray target, Mighty Mouse versus Drake friken fraken maye projects within 5.25 points, which is basically a coin flip with extra steps. No NFL byes to plan around, so there are no excuses available this week. Also, every single team still has its Block in the drawer and everyone but Drake friken fraken maye is holding a Bench Switch, and the window shuts after Week 10 whether you use them or not.
Week 3 matchups
| Matchup | Proj | Win % |
|---|---|---|
| Mighty Mouse 1-1 vs Drake friken fraken maye 1-1 | 105.1–99.9 | 55–44 |
| Bayou Bengals 0-2 vs Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor 2-0 | 100.1–107.8 | 42–57 |
| The Nut 1-1 vs Finding Nico 0-2 | 101.4–88.5 | 63–37 |
| The Goff-Father 0-2 vs TB12 Method 1-1 | 99.3–91.9 | 57–42 |
| KuthaFighters 2-0 vs No. 5 2-0 | 110.4–98.6 | 61–39 |
| Kyler Ren 0-2 vs Teen Tutens 2-0 | 91.5–100.4 | 41–59 |
| SS Minnow Johnson 1-1 vs ThrillHouse 1-1 | 93.7–105.7 | 39–61 |
The numbers — scores, lineups, player points and standings — are Yahoo's, pulled once the week was final. Projections are Sleeper's, scored under this league's rules. Every table on this page renders straight from that data.
The writing is by Claude, working only from those numbers (claude-opus-5). It is told to use nothing that isn't in them, and the tables never pass through it, so if a sentence ever disagrees with a table, the table is right. The charts are drawn from the same numbers; the writer only picks which one to feature. Scores are as Yahoo reports them.