SS Minnow Johnson Opens With 148.5, Beats The Entire League

This one is the Bench Switch's finest hour: Drake friken fraken maye pulled Carnell Tate and his 5.8 points and slid Christian Watson's 31.7 in behind him, and Watson ended up their top scorer in a 110.62-103.56 win. Kyler Ren got 31.7 from Ashton Jeanty and still lost by 7.06, which is the fantasy equivalent of doing everything right and losing to a house rule. Small note for the winner: a 6-7 all-play record is not exactly a mandate.

Josh Allen dropped 37.66 and TB12 Method still managed to score 90.86, which takes real commitment. The reason: the Titans defense started and put up 0.0 while the Chiefs defense sat on the bench for 15.0, plus Jakobi Meyers' 11.2 riding shotgun, for 24.14 left on the bench in an 8.2-point loss — the only loser all week whose best lineup would have won. Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor takes the W with 99.06 and a 4-9 all-play, so congratulations to the least convincing 1-0 in the league.

Mighty Mouse got 37.26 from Caleb Williams, scored 123.86, went 8-5 against the field, and lost anyway — the bad-luck poster child of Week 1. The Nut got 35.1 from Jahmyr Gibbs, soaked up a 6.44 from Bo Nix that was 10.53 under projection, and still won 132.84-123.86. Bo Nix tried his hardest to lose this game and Jahmyr Gibbs wouldn't let him.

Derrick Henry went for 36.8 against a 14.69 projection and KuthaFighters won by 31.22. When Diggs Fly put up 113.0 and went 7-6 in all-play, which in most weeks is a comfortable win and this week is a loss by four touchdowns. KuthaFighters also left 17.28 on the bench by starting Davante Adams (4.1) over Kyle Monangai (21.4), which is the kind of mistake you only laugh about when you win by 31.

Teen Tutens grabbed Trevor Lawrence off waivers, started him for 26.1, grabbed the Jaguars defense off waivers, started them for 16.0, and won 146.6-85.7. They also grabbed Tyler Shough off waivers and left him on the bench for 31.2 — the highest benched score in the league — along with Deebo Samuel Sr.'s 15.0, for 10.8 unused. ThrillHouse's leading scorer was Evan McPherson with 19.0, and they were the only team in the league with a perfect lineup, which is a very polite way to lose by 60.9.

D'Andre Swift's 33.9 headlined a 148.5 that led the league and went 13-0 in all-play, and SS Minnow Johnson left a grand total of 1.3 points on the bench. Bayou Bengals answered with 79.86, a 1-12 all-play, and Ja'Marr Chase starting for 2.2 while Jacory Croskey-Merritt's 12.1 sat. Their waiver haul was Jake Elliott for 6.0 and the Chargers defense for 1.0, which is 7 points of active roster management.

Kenneth Walker beat his projection by 24.37 with 36.6, No. 5 put up 131.96, and the margin was 76.22 — the biggest of the week. The Goff-Father scored 55.74, the league low, and their best possible lineup was 63.2, so there was no version of this Sunday that went well. Jared Goff led them with 16.44 and Colston Loveland posted a 0.0 at tight end, 11.21 under projection, which is a rough way for a team to honor its own name.