Freaking Maye Out Benches 44.34, Loses By 43.02

The week's only game inside five points, and Downs-yndrome got there with a Bench Switch: Woody Marks and his 8.6 in, Michael Pittman Jr. and his 2.6 out. Juwan Johnson, off free agency a week ago, led the winners with 19.3. Teen Tutens got 24.8 from waiver pickup Tyler Shough and played a flawless 101.3 out of a possible 101.3, which is the most annoying way to lose.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba went for 32.36 and Brock Purdy added 31.28, which was enough to cover a tight end slot that contributed 0.0. ThrillHouse lost by 6.8 while Matthew Stafford's 26.9 sat on the bench behind Dak Prescott's 18.94, and DK Metcalf's 10.6 watched Malik Nabers manage 5.1. Their best lineup was 108.5. You can do that math.

Harold Fannin Jr.'s 20.6 led TB12 Method to 112.06 and a clean sheet on the bench. The Goff-Father got a monster 27.9 from Drake London and then started the Packers defense for negative four points and a tight end slot for zero. That is two lineup spots actively working against you.

Heaven on Earth Massage Parlor won with 84.44, a number that would have lost to ten of the other thirteen teams, so enjoy the 3-0 and the climb to second quietly. They also left 25.46 on the bench, with Jaylen Warren's 21.1 and Wan'Dale Robinson's 15.2 sitting behind a pair of 5.4s. Bayou Bengals countered with 71.18, the low score of the week and an 0-13 all-play, so it hardly mattered.

257.96 combined points, the most of any game, and No. 15 took it by 13.92 behind Garrett Wilson's 23.7 to stay unbeaten and hold first. They did it while starting De'Von Achane for 1.7 and benching Michael Wilson's 20.4, which is either arrogance or luck. KuthaFighters put up 122.02, went 11-2 in all-play, got 21.0 from the Vikings defense, and still dropped two spots in the standings.

Bijan Robinson's 38.3 did the heavy lifting for Mighty Mouse, who could afford to leave Travis Kelce's 12.9 on the bench behind Jalen Coker's 2.8. Freaking Maye Out started Drake Maye for 5.76, Hunter Henry for 1.0 and Tetairoa McMillan for 2.7 while Brock Bowers (24.6) and Kalif Raymond (18.0) sat. The optimal lineup was 118.4, which would have beaten Mighty Mouse's 117.08. Genuinely difficult to watch.

Sam Darnold was picked up off free agency this week and immediately turned in 33.66, Jahmyr Gibbs added 37.9, and The Nut's 146.46 went 13-0 against the field. Finding Nico answered with 79.74 and Jordan Addison's 17.5 parked on the bench behind Rhamondre Stevenson's 5.3. Third straight loss, and the points against column is starting to look like a prank.